No one ever claimed to be perfect

As a blogger, posting my pictures on the internet, talking about bra fit, and talking about breast implants I have opened myself up to criticism. When is part of the deal, I get that. All blogger do. But let’s get things straight here,

bloggers never claim to be perfect

Why would we? Bloggers tend to be someone with hard to meet needs. A person with strong opinions. A person with the desire to help and to share.

We critique brands to try and help the consumer get a better product and to be their voice to the brand. (See Miss underpinnings Freya post)

We talk about specific fit needs that may not be met by mass produced labels. (Like the original Bra Band Project)

We show products we are excited about, even when they do not fit us ideally. Like one if current favorite bras, the Cleo Maddie.

Cleo by Panache Maddie in 28H, too small, but so comfy!

We review products outside our size range when there is something we know our readers would like to know. (See my recent review of the Debenhams Gorgeous strapless bra)

We wear bras that do not fit, because it’s what we can find. We never claim that they do. We post photos that may show fit problems as part of our reviews. We are using our bodies like any fashion model would, to display the garment.

Parfait by Affinitas Alexis in 30G. Way too small in depth, can’t settle into the cups, but we all need a “nude” t-shirt bra.

We talk about fit problems and possible solutions. We share fixes when there isn’t a bra to do what you need. (Several bloggers are featured in the bra alterations section of Busty Resources)

We post about our personal lives on Facebook and twitter. Did you know I posted a picture of my face on twitter?

We put ourselves out there, knowing we will be criticized and hurt. But please, remember when you are criticizing that we are people too, we are not claiming to be perfect, we do not always wear a perfectly fitted bra, and we have feelings too.

There is an anti body snark policy on many blogs. That doesn’t mean that criticism isn’t welcome. It is! It does mean to double check yourself before posting. I’d like to see this extend to all the bra fitting communities. There is no reason that The Lingerie Lesbian and The Lingerie Addicted should be slammed on reddit for wearing bras using a +4 fit. Brittany from Thin & Curvy (and other bloggers) should not feel targeted by the Polish forum Balkonetka. Bratabase users should not feel judged by their fitting preferences.
Bra fitting is not a science or simple math. You’re dealing with human bodies, personal preferences. And we all are not perfect, we don’t just fall in line to the math.

And really, when it comes to someone else you would criticize their choice in wearing a tampon, menstrual cup, cloth pad, or disposable pad. Why should you be able to do so for the fit of someone’s undergarments? Discussion, learning, and sharing, not criticism and judgement. Because at the end of the day, none of us are perfect.

17 Comments

  1. Great post! The snark and body commentary is pretty much why I’ve renewed my decision to avoid most of the bra fitting community. I’m glad that there are resources out there for people who are passionate about bra fit, however I have absolutely no interest in being attacked for having a muscular body type or in people assuming that I have no idea what feels comfortable to me.

    I have even less interest in the idea that not wanting to focus on bra fit and bra size makes me a bad feminist, bad woman, or bad lingerie blogger. After all, there’s more to women than their bra size, and the perspective that size trumps everything else is incredibly narrow since women can be affected by many other issues in their lives (like race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender identity, disability, income, etc.).

    • I’m really sorry you have experienced that, Cora. I am honestly flabbergasted that anyone could think that your blog’s broad focus has any bearing at all on whether or not you are a feminist of any sort, let alone a bad woman or a bad lingerie blogger. I’ve never seen any comments to that effect, thank goodness. I’ve also never seen anyone making comments about your body, except the comments generally saying you are gorgeous. I don’t really hang out on many forums, though, maybe that’s why?

  2. I could have written this myself. You took the words right out of my mouth.
    The problem with ready-to-wear is that companies make things how they want, sometimes according to what their customers say and sometimes not. The problem with custom is that it is, well, expensive. And comes with its own issues.
    People act like we want to be uncomfortable in a bra… who would want that? Like we don’t know that our bodies have things that make them UNIQUE….that we’re still vulnerable people. It’s frustrating to watch and see my sisters-in-underwires being bashed for trying to help others!!!!

    • I’d like to just hit the like button on this comment like 5 times.

  3. I haven’t run into much body snark or negative feedback, and that may be because I barely touch social networking. Is interaction different on blog comments than on facebook/twitter/other message boards?
    I support the words in your post.

    • I think some of us have just quit posting comments. I’ve had several that I just no longer publish because of the degree of snark. Negative feedback and constructive criticism I’ll post even when it irritates me a bit. No one likes to be told they are wrong, but all (none snarky) opinions will be published.

  4. This is wonderful šŸ™‚ No one deserves shame for their personal choices or body,

  5. I’m a very snarky individual but I don’t like to see snark used personally, especially against peoples’ bodies. Thank you for this post.

    • I think we all have a snark bone right along side our funny bone. But we are careful when it comes out. I know there are things in the blogosphere that really hit my snark bone. It’s normal to have some snark, we just need to control when it comes out. And like you said, in reference to someone’s body, it should never come out.

  6. Your blog is an inspiration. I always shoved the idea of implants aside because people used to (and still do, sadly) say some horrible things about implants. Like yourself, “filling” cups have always been an issue, I end up with training bras most of the time. I do have plans to “fix” myself in a decade or so, hopefully when my finances stable (now I model for a couple softcore sites and sew corsets to sustain myself). Blogs like yours and TLA make me feel better about myself. Small breasts are okay, implants are okay, corsets are okay. We are who we want to be, we don’t have to force ourselves to be what society wants to be, nor forced to “love ourselves”. Nobody gets criticized for dyeing their hair, working out, etc yet when someone goes into corset training or plastic surgery, they feel the need to say something horribly and/or patronizing. Keep doing what you do šŸ™‚ I won’t be dropping by the forums for the time being as I am, as mentioned, focusing on other matters in my life and career now. But by the time I am back to talk about buying me boobs, I really look forward to the support (no pun intended!).

    • Thanks KathTea! And great comment. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you around when you are ready. šŸ™‚

    • “Nobody gets criticized for dyeing their hair, working out, etc ” People get criticized for these things all the time.

  7. Some people feel entitled to attack and criticize ANY choice any person ever makes. I have indeed been criticized for my choice to use a menstrual cup and cloth pads. Total strangers used to come up to me on the street and make comments criticizing my appearance!

    On my blog I go beyond just “no body snark.” I do not link to blogs where there is content criticizing women’s bodies, at all. Not even if it is the blogger’s body. There are a few blogs I liked but I dropped them because the authors said very negative things about their own appearance, and another, very popular blog I dropped because the white author was criticizing the bodies of Black/Latina women.

    (Incidentally, I also dropped another blog because the author was claiming good fit on bras that were awful, because a lingerie company was paying her. So, some of “us” will say something fits when it doesn’t.)

    I was very pleased when Bratabase adopted a policy of NO commenting on other people’s bodies. I had asked JJ for this before and figured it was never going to happen, but it did happen! And the backlash was pretty strong: people who declared that they were going to make whatever comments they liked, who attacked those of us who applauded the ban, etc.

  8. J-Cup Jedi

    I have been thinking a lot about the quest for perfection in fit lately. EVERYTHING I have now is SO much better than what I have 18 months ago but as a soft, pendulous 36Jish there is something not optimal about everything I have. We all have to decide for ourselves what fit we are willing to accept. For me, a good tack, firm band and no quad boob is the bottom line. I sometimes need to settle for a touch of side boob because Elomi is my go to brand and their damn side slings do that to me. I tried going up to JJ and the wire and gore were too wide.

    I live in a “bra desert” so being able to try all the new releases in a brick and mortar is not an option. Women who have this option or wear more readily available sizes should cut those of us who don’t a snark free break. It is truly a journey and with every mail order return and exchange I gain knowledge of what works and what doesn’t. The information I gain in the “boobosphere” is priceless. We are all here to learn from each other.

Trackbacks

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